Here we are at the
beginning of another new year. It’s a time of great
possibilities, endless resolutions and expensive gym
memberships. You’re probably thinking about your
resolutions and how you’ll make 2015 different and
better. But, rather than making the same resolutions we
have made for the past decade and forgetting them by
January 15, let’s make this the year we create real
change. If you’re ready to create the brave life you truly
want and deserve, here are few simple steps.
1. Believe. It’s not just enough to say you want to quit
smoking, lose weight, improve your relationship or start
a business. You have to actually believe that you can
and will, and that you are truly deserving of a healthier,
happier life. If you haven’t been able to accomplish
these goals in the past, you probably have some
negative beliefs that are holding you back.
We all have these negative beliefs lurking. Sometimes
they have been passed on to us neglectful or stressed
parents or former abusive partners. Sometimes they
are created by our own fear and insecurities. However
they got there, it’s important to realize that these
negative thoughts are not real, and we can choose new,
more positive beliefs. Decide today what you truly want
and then believe that you can and will achieve it.
Believe that you are worthy of it. Believe that you
deserve it — because you do.
2. Release. This year, make a commitment to let go of
anything that no longer serves you. This includes letting
go of the negative thoughts and beliefs you discovered.
It means letting go of guilt — a completely useless
emotion that women are, unfortunately, experts at
cultivating.
It’s also time to let go of everyone else’s burdens. If
your mother is judging you, your partner cheated on
you, your friend is gossiping about you — those are not
your burdens to carry. Let them go!
Yes, you do have to decide how to respond. But, you do
not have to carry around the shame or burden of
someone else’s bad decisions or bad attitude. You have
the right — and an obligation — to make choices for
your own life. But, you can’t do that if you are too
weighed down by everyone else’s stuff. So, really, let it
go.
3. Awaken. So many of us are living on autopilot. We
get the kids to school, go to work, come home, make
dinner, watch mindless TV, knock out in complete
exhaustion… rinse and repeat. We rarely take the time
to truly be aware of what’s happening in our lives. So,
my friends, it’s time to wake up.
Take an honest look at what is happening in your life
right now — not what you hope might happen or what
happened two years ago, and not what you post on
your Facebook wall. Is your relationship really healthy
and happy? Is your career truly fulfilling? How do you
really feel about your life?
Start to become aware of your life and your emotions,
without judgment. If scary or painful feelings come up,
feel them and let them pass. Resist the urge to numb
them with coffee, wine, your news feed or stale candy
canes. It’s time to stop numbing and start truly living.
4. Visualize. Now that you are aware of what is right
now, you can decide how you want things to be. Decide
what you truly want for your life — not what anyone
else expects from you, and not what you want for those
around you. Take some time to really decide what you
want for you. This sounds simple, but can be tough,
especially for women. But, we’ll never create the life we
truly want until we know what that life will look like.
Take some time to write about your vision or create a
vision board full of inspiring images. Do this with your
new set of positive beliefs, with your new awareness
and with a focus on what’s best for you. Then as 2015
takes you through twists and turns (as it inevitably will),
always remember your vision. Look at it every morning,
and stay focused on the big picture. Stay focused on
your dream — and remember that you deserve it.
5. Empathize. I truly believe that empathy is our secret
weapon. In fact, if there is one gift that I wish every
parent would instill in their children, this would be it.
Empathy is the ability to feel with someone. It’s not the
same as sympathy, which means feeling sorry for
someone. Empathy, instead, allows for true, vulnerable
connection.
As we’ve discovered, we all carry around some not-so-
good beliefs about ourselves. We all carry heavy
burdens — many that don’t even belong to us! And we
all have ways that we numb. And guess what? So does
everyone else!
So, the coworker who is always gossiping — yep, she’s
numbing. Your friend who is always negative — she
probably has some cruddy beliefs about herself. We all
have monsters. Some monsters are just dressed up or
wearing better disguises than others. But, a monster is
a monster, my friend. So, we have no business judging
anyone else’s monsters, or anyone else’s choices.
Empathy means letting go of judgment and accepting
everyone for who they truly are.
Here’s the truth: Anytime someone judges you, that’s
their stuff. The great news is, that’s not your burden to
carry! Of course, the opposite is also true. Anytime you
judge someone else, that’s your stuff. That’s a clue to
you that you have some baggage full of negative beliefs
that you haven’t unpacked yet.
For example, when I was waitressing to pay my way
through college and living mostly on ramen noodles and
hot dogs (which could be why I’m a vegetarian today), I
used to have a lot of judgments about very wealthy
people. But eventually, I realized that these judgments
were caused by my own insecurities and worries about
money. It was my stuff.
So, when you see a mother with her child and think (or
say), I can’t believe she lets her child dress like that!
Maybe what’s really being triggered is your own
worries. Maybe you’re really thinking, I always feel
inadequate as a mother. I don’t know if I’m good
enough. But, at least my kids aren’t dressed like hers,
so I must be at least doing better than her, right?
Recognize when it’s your stuff. Be aware of it. And then
let it go. When you set down the guilt, shame and
insecurity, you will have no reason to judge anyone.
That doesn’t mean you have to go out and buy your
kids green mud boots and tutus — you don’t have to
replicate, or even like, what anyone else is doing. Just
don’t judge it. Think, that’s not for me, but great for
her!
Imagine how much free time and energy you will have
when you let go of negative beliefs, other people’s
burdens, mindless numbing, and judgment! You’ll
finally be able to focus on creating the life you truly
want and deserve, while encouraging others to do the
same. Because really, that’s what being brave is all
about.
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