To all the single ladies out there, see the top ten dating tips to guide you along when choosing a partner.
1. Own your own shit
You are who you are and that’s the end of
the story sister. If you feel compelled to
present yourself as something other than
who you truly are, to have interests that you
don’t really have, to know things you don’t
really know then you are in trouble, my dear.
That facade will only hold up for so long. Be
willing to grow and learn and try new things-
but label them clearly as such. Don’t be a
poser. Know what kind of eggs you like.
2. Don’t be such a drama queen
Seriously. Chill. Out. Don’t take anything
personally, nothing others do is because of
you. Slow your roll, dial it back about 1,000
notches and stop reading into every teeny
tiny little everything. Just as you respond to
things based on what’s going on in your life
and in your head, so do other people. It’s
actually not all about you. Shit. Little “good
news, bad news” delivery here. Yikes.
3. Don’t make assumptions
First impressions are important, whether they
are virtual or in person. However,
misrepresentations happen, and often,
especially via electronic communication.
Sadly, there is no sarcasm font, and
emoticons will only get you so far in
nonverbal response. Additionally, credentials
are just paper— a job, a degree, or a
“pedigree,” so to speak, is only one small
part of a person, it is not who they are. A
degree does not equate intelligence, nor does
the lack of one indicate the opposite. Gather
some facts before drawing conclusions.
However…
4. Be skeptical, but learn to listen (to your gut)
Unless you: a) have endless time on your
hands, b) like spending it running in
circuitous motion, or, more likely, c) enjoy
learning lessons the hard way, listen to your
intuition. Really. If something tells you it’s
not right, it’s probably not. Know the
difference between simply being uneasy
because you are getting out of your comfort
zone and what is legitimately no bueno para
ti. Don’t spend your time trying to make
something work that you know isn’t going to;
things that are meant to be aren’t usually
that complicated (well, unless you make them
that way, in which case, please re-read #2).
5. Always do (be) your best.
This shouldn’t be difficult, it should be easy
to be the best version of yourself around
people with whom you spend time. If it’s not,
then it’s time to move on to something
better. Relationships are about bringing out
the best in each other, not the worst, and not
the person someone else wants you to be.
Just you, the best you, whoever that is
today.
6. Look where you’re going
Leave your past in the past. Seriously. There
is a time and place for viewing the skeletons
in your closet and unpacking your baggage.
First, second, even third dates are not it.
Your past has shaped who you are, it has
shifted your paradigm and your perspective,
but it is neither your present nor your future.
Stop inviting the Ghost of Christmas Past to
dinner with you, nobody likes a third wheel.
7. Be quiet already and stop oversharing
Ask don’t tell, listen more than you talk, and
stop sharing your entire life story in the first
hour. Ditto with explaining yourself—knock it
off. People earn the privilege of hearing your
personal information and story by earning
your trust; save it for the right people. Be
authentic, humble and genuine. Your actions
speak louder than your words, and uh, your
selfies. Photo overshares to new
acquaintances, by the way, come off as a
marketing ploy. Translation: you’re trying too
hard and it’s not hot. Like, not at all.
8. Trust the universe
Everything we do prepares us for something
else, for better and for worse. A bad date
helps us to enjoy a good one, a good
relationship gets us ready for a great one, a
painful or arduous experience tests our
composure, flexibility and resilience. Be
grateful for the opportunities provided, in
whatever form they come. That being said, be
ready to see them; stay open and choose
your concessions carefully. There is a
difference between a compromise and
settling, a big one. If it comes let it come, if it
stays let it stay, if it goes, well, let it go.
9. Don’t go chasing waterfalls
The right person will come at the right time
and for the right reasons. Being overly
responsive or attentive is a bad plan; the
idea of “the chase” isn’t meant to be you
cyberstalking and checking in every hour.
Stop. Now. No. Just no. This means that if
your messaging pattern goes from phone
blowing up to you staring at it, nonstop,
checking to make sure it’s working, you are
pretty much done there, sweetheart. If he
responds intermittently to you, then yeah,
you’re not the only girl in his contact list. Let
that one go. Taken from the mouths of our
wise elders, “Don’t make someone a priority
who treats you like an option.”
10. Plan your escape route carefully
Seriously. I have “rescued” a friend from a
bad date, recently, and while wearing my
“Spiritual Gangster” tank top. It was half
awesome, half hilarious. I personally have
zero problem calling it when I see it (politely
of course), but it’s taken me some solid
practice to learn the art of the graceful exit.
Some things to remember: 1) take a cab if
you can, use a ride sharing app if you really
want to do it right, so you can “call” them
slyly from under the table and then suddenly
“voila!” it’s time to go, no awkward waiting
around, 2) meet for coffee or a drink, not
dinner, and 3) don’t stand someone up,
that’s just bad form (and bad karma). Be
honest with what’s going on. Don’t be an
ass but keep it real (translation, do not have
a friend call you with a fake emergency. I
promise you that is not going to end well).
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